One last thing…

For Christmas last year I got given Sudoku toilet paper. It’s useless. You can only fill it in with number ones and number twos.

…That was recently voted as the UK’s BEST toilet joke...hmmm…..It’s good, but I preferred the runner up…

Did you hear about the film Constipated? It never came out.

…possibly because I can relate to it more, but that’s another story.

My final post on Japan, has to be an entire post dedicated to the quite frankly exquisit art of Japanese toiletry. It is probably weird to say that the toilets were one of my favourite things about Japan, but bear in mind that I make this statement on the back of 6 months in SE Asia where I once used a public toilet that had no lock on the door and required me to pee like a man into a gutter with a giant sh*t in it. I had also paid for the privilege. I also think they somewhat epitomise the absurdity of some of Japan’s crazy culture of technology and convenience, so here it is.

Public toilets in Japan take the peeing experience to a whole other level! Each one (even in the excuse-the-pun ‘crappy’ toilets) is accompanied by what I like to call a Control Panel….comme ca…

(apologies for poor photo-it's tricky taking a photo subtly in a toilet...if only there was an option to play music to cover the shutter sound...oh wait!..)

 These buttons between them allow you to…heat up the seat, vibrate the seat, squirt water up your lady bits, squirt water up your back bits, play bird songs to mask sounds (!!), spray deodorant to mask smells, and one of the buggers flushes the damn thing!

The thing is…I can’t read Japanese, so this invariably takes me about 10 minutes, evokes giant queues, and leaves me feeling like I’ve had a rather stressful mini break in the world’s smallest spa (although with undoubtedly fresher botty bits!).

It was only in the last (yes the LAST) toilet I visited in the airport in Tokyo just before I left, that I found a convenient wall-chart explaining everything to me. Thanks Japan.

Kyoto

After a few days in the capital we caught the world-famous Bullet Train from Tokyo to Kyoto. This in itself is a cool experience -230miles in 2hours…phew! That’s some speedy training! Japan is a country of 127 million, almost double that of the UK, but with a land area only slightly bigger than the United Kingdom. It’s also very mountainous, but the Japanese are valley-dwelling folk and therefore only occupy about 20% of the land area. This means where there are people, there are a LOT of people! We didn’t pass into countryside for the ENTIRE 230mile train journey! We did however, see some beautiful mountains in the distance and see a lot of concrete.

We then spent 4 spectacular days soaking up Kyoto. Kyoto is a mind-boggling city: It has 1,600 Buddhist temples and 400 Shinto shrines. Needless to say we barely even scratched the surface of these during our 3 days here, but we did love cycling around in the lovely Autumnal sunshine, wondering around exquisite Japanese gardens, admiring ancient temples, surreptitiously loitering around Geishas, exploring vast markets and drinking green tea. I haven’t time to go into more detail but I would totally recommend this city-it’s certainly up there with our favourite places we’ve visited for sheer wow-factor.

 We had a unique experience through Air BnB, where we stayed in a typical Japanese apartment owned by an absurdly friendly Japanese man called Hiroshi who, amongst other things left us Samurai dressing up clothes to, well, dress-up in, and a selfie-stick should we want it (we didn’t). He also gave us free sake in his bar-Happy days. One of the (bizarrely) best bits about this Air BnB was that it didn’t have a shower which meant that we had to use the local bath-house. This, was quite hilarious. Bro disappeared through one door and I disappeared through the other (men and women are separate), into a hot and steamy series of chambers, which resembled some kind of greenhouse/60s swimming pool hybrid. There’s a great-deal of etiquette to follow, but it basically involves getting stark naked, scrubbing yourself vigorously while sat on a mat on the floor next to lots of other naked women, before being able to use the facilities. But then it’s totally worth it-there are Jacuzzis, steam rooms and hot and cold baths. Enough that I could hide myself (and my naked body) away without having to chat to the lovely (but exceptionally nude) old ladies around me.

Our last day in Japan was spent in Osaka (actually, that’s a lie-our last day in Japan was spent in Tokyo airport and an airport hotel as our flight was delayed by a day, but that’s a whole other story). This is a crazy, sprawling metropolis which I imagine would be a claustrophobic nightmare to live in for many (I imagine I would be one of those), but for Western tourists like me and Bro, this was a fascinating adventure into yet another exciting world of Japanese culture. I didn’t take my camera out, so you’ll just have to take my word for it!

Well I have to say that we came away from our week in Japan with an overwhelming sense that we have only just scratched the surface! We were humbled by how incredibly friendly the people were (and I mean seriously, going-totally-out-of-their-way-to-help-us friendly), we were incredibly over-indulged with fantastic food, we were blown away by incredible architecture, we were gobsmacked by the shear urban-convenience-gadget-electronic culture, and we heard just enough about the things we didn’t see to know that we seriously want to go back for more.

Thank you Japan, you’ve been a treat!

Japan Baby!

My initial thoughts of Tokyo were that it reminded me a great deal of London. In fact, I initially felt a little underwhelmed as I was expecting culture shock, but at first I just kept feeling like we were back home. Even the weather was (satisfyingly) fresh, and the sun nice and low, in an English autumn-type way: An insanely welcome break from the humidity we've been drowning in for the past 6 months, but it definitely contributed to my weird feeling of being back home. From this starting point though the week just developed into one long culture crescendo! The more we saw the more different it felt and the more we fell in love with Japan.

Tokyo was a mixture of frustration and pleasure. Frustrations as despite our best efforts, we kept missing things. First we arrived too late at the famous (world’s largest!!) Tsukiji fish market, then we arrived too late for the Imperial Palace (it closed at 4!!). We went to the famous Ueno Park on a Monday when not only all the museums were shut, but all of the cafes too. Not the cafes!!! We then woke up early to watch some Sumo training, but after trekking across town, found out that wasn’t on that day, and then we went back to the fish market at the right time, but it was a public holiday and was shut. On the plus side, the little sushi restaurants that everyone had raved about at the fish market were still open, so we ate incredible, practically-still-flipping fresh sushi and still enjoyed the buzz, and these fruitless jaunts actually led us to some marvellous little corners of Tokyo, so we shouldn’t complain too much!

We also had some fab experiences-we enjoyed going up the Government Office Tower to see incredible views over the city as the Sun went down. We walked across Scramble Crossing-the famous intersection with thousands of pedestrians crossing every hour. We sat and watched everyone else walk across Scramble Crossing.

Sushi on the night we arrived

Scramble crossing

The views from up the City Hall tower

We explored the surreal and quite-simply mind-blowing Akihabara area-a crazy, garish assault on your senses in the shape of sky-high tower blocks emblazoned with neon lights, crazy sounds from everywhere-every doorway, lamp-post, street-caller and even from buses. There are entire sky-scrapers set up for entertainment… a floor for bowling, a floor for table tennis, a floor for darts, a floor for cinema, THREE floors for karaoke (and every room filled up at 2 in the afternoon-insane!), a basement floor for adult entertainment (!!) and literally countless floors of endless arcades adorned with zombie-like Japanese men and women sat pressing buttons like their lives depend on it. We tried to take photos but got told off, so I really can’t capture this but just take my word for it-these places are like nothing I’ve ever seen before!..

A cartoon DVD store...(adult section downstairs)

An Anime car

An action figure store (full of adults)

Vending machines are EVERYWHERE!!

You probably can't make out form this picture, but school girls in tiny tartan skirts with knee-high socks stand around on the street in Akihabara touting for customers for all sorts of entertainment establishments...(they didn't want photos, so you have to make do with a distant one!)

This was a 6-story technical store!! It was massive!!

...And…we ATE SO MUCH JAPANESE FOOD! Ah man it was SO good!!! I’m not even going to try to describe it but just saying- I’m going to be bereft when this week’s over. 

  

Hello Hongkers!

(One of Bro's photos on the boat across to Lamma)

Hongkers is bonkers. And so is this marvellous bunch of humans. Meet the HK branch of the Lea family who we’ve just spent a jolly good and exhaustingly jam-packed week with. We explored, we wandered, we “rawked” (Kathy’s own style of exercise)…We climbed Lantau Peak, gawped at the giant Buddha, and rode a Cable Car down the mountain….We swam in the sea, we swam in the pool, we got lost in the urban jungle….We ate Thai and Dim Sum, BBQ and Pizza, local Seafood and local soup…We travelled by escalator, we travelled by car, we travelled by bus, we travelled by taxi, we travelled by boat….We drank beer, we drank cocktails, we drank vodka, we drank wine…We trawled through markets, gazed from The Peak and ogled the smog…. We had jolly good chin-wags, plenty of giggles and soaked up the Leas as much as we could.

Hong Kong is a phenomenal city. I loved it last time I came, and this time fell in love with it all over again. That said, it’s a place of contrasts and there are many things to hate…it represents capitalism at its worst, and there is so much money around it’s insane. I’ve never seen so many personalised number plates in one place! Then there’s the smog-you can’t ignore that. It sits over the city in a thick ugly haze. It's expensive, and large parts of it are like a crazy futuristic concrete world of buildings and glass and elevated walkways, but all that considered, this is one hell of a city-it has so much to see, so much to do, and so many corners to get lost in. I didn’t appreciate last time how green it is, and how you can be in the thick of the city one minute, and then half an hour later you’re sunning yourself on a beach, or climbing a mountain without a sky-scraper in sight!

We didn’t feel like we were here long enough-we were so sad to say goodbye to these wonderful people and it never feels like enough time with them. There is always so much to catch up on, but hey, at least we have an excuse to come back! Until next time HK!

On the ceiling of a bar in Stanley...

Dean teaches at Hong Kong International School. We popped by to say hi and have a snoop...oh my wow it is literally the most unbelievable school I have ever seen in my life!! Check this out...

Science lab (I know!! It even had its own a giant lizard. I might cry)

We decided to walk up to Lantau Peak. This is actually something I did about 6 years ago with my friend Holly. I have to say I found it a damn-site harder this time round (that's what 6 years and 8 months of travelling will do to you!)...a hefty old trek up to the top, but totally worth it for the views along the way! Not great photo-fodder as the haze was so heavy, but you get the idea! 

A couple of Bro's from up the Peak...

Me at the top in the storm shelter. This photo probably doesn't do justice to quite how knackered I was!! 

After the peak we walked all the way down the other side to the Giant Buddha. Walking down is harder than it sounds and we arrived at the buddha feeling rather self-conscious as we were sweating buckets and facing the giant hill of steps up to the statue, and millions of tourists, all looking pristine and very un-sweaty, as Asian tourists tend to look.  

Bro from the Buddha, with the Peak in the background 

Standard Pose at the top apparently...

Cable back car down the mountain from the Buddha

Catching the famous Star Ferry to Kowloon

Cheap dim sum in Kowloon! Hurrah! Shame the staff seemed to hate us...

View from The Peak...Marvellous!

Potentially worst job in the world?...Scaffolder in HK...

One of the reasons Bro loves this city...the abundance of Hiaces (this one's for you Norm!)

Drinks in Deep Water Bay

Photo-bombing the boys!

Sparkling wine from the offy...drunk from an icecream tub...on the roof of the IFC...with some awesome people...not too shabby!

Walking from Deep Water bay to Repulse Bay...Well-off HK families employ live-in Filipino helpers to manage their homes...cooking, cleaning, often even rearing the kids! Most of these women are married and a have husband and children back home in the Philippines who they are only able to see once or twice a year. The only days they have off (if they're lucky) are Sundays and public holidays and they embrace this time to meet up with all of their Filipino friends and relax (and let's be honest...most probably bitch about their employers!). Wednesday was a public holiday, so we enjoyed seeing these wonderful smiley young ladies in their adopted communities embracing their day off and celebrating with a giant BBQ on the beach. You go girls!

The Salon of Kathy-Kathy giving me some much-overdue highlights! :) Thanks you dream lady!

One of Bro's piccies of Ziggy the cat (I love this piccie!)

BBQ chez Lea (cooked on the balcony). What is it about the Lea boys and making a good BBQ?!

The view from said balcony...

...and again